The 4D Phases of Your Reaction Towards Unwanted Changes

Reading time: 3-5 minutes

How do you actually react to those unwanted changes you have in life?

Here's what I think would be the phases that you go through once the almighty unwanted changes are right at your doorstep.
Disclaimer: This post is purely based on my personal opinions.

1. Denial

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Denial? No it is not. Everything is fine, everything is gonna be fixed like how they've always been. Well you know thesedays this kind of problem isn't that simple anymore, right? There must be something missing here and I need to find it. Everything's actually fine."

No, it is not. You know something is bothering you, but you're either too afraid to deal with it, or you just haven't fully realized that something is changing, and that change is not something you favor.

2. Disorientation

"What am I doing? Did I do this wrong? Did I do anything wrong at all? What should I focus on? Why is this not working? Wait.. what?"
When a change happens, and it has started bothering you even more, everything is a distraction. You can't focus. You're somehow reacting to this change more spontaneously with all the defense you have at the moment. And when you have done all you can and it's not working well, you finally realize that this is really happening. Moving on to the next phase.

3. Depression

" I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. I never expected this. I shouldn't have done that. I cannot deal with this anymore. What should I do to make this right? Why is everything different now?"
This is usually the phase where you're letting all of your feelings out towards the unwanted change. You know that this is really happening. It's absorbing all of your positive energy all at once. One or two things might happen, like self-blaming, or letting your angst out on others. You desperately want to stop that change but you're running out of time, energy, and ideas. What's the worst thing that can happen? If you cannot go through this phase easily (usually it's not because you can't, you just don't want to. It's so comfortable being all gloomy and diving into the depth of your agony. Right?) you will, yes you will, ruin yourself even more.

4. Dealing with it

"Okay, I got it. I did the right things, and I also did the wrong things. I have probably done my best, but change is inevitable. I have to embrace the NOW, and I know everything's always gonna change eventually. By that time, I should be ready for it. I should be ready to accept every single change that will happen in my life."
There you have it. Once you're ready to accept that change, and not to just accept it, but also to embrace it, you'll become more positive towards others and yourself. Everything really happens for a reason, or many reasons. One time it doesn't make you feel good, and another time it makes you feel damn good. Fair enough?

These phases of reaction are always there, and the length of each phase varies. You can choose to be in denial forever, or let yourself burn in anger, or try a more positive approach.

Here's the ugly truth.
You will go through these phases again, and again, and again. It never stops.
But the more you've gone through it, the stronger you have become, supposedly.

And it depends on how much you love your life. It is YOUR life after all, not anyone else's.

This is what I want to believe.
How about you?

Be kind to one another. See ya in my next post.

Let's Talk About: Unilever Leadership Internship Program (Selection Phases)

The Starting Line

I realized how (un)creative I have been for these past few months. No blog posts, really!

It's just that I was suddenly reminded of how idealistic I was about blog, thinking that a blog should be either attractive or informative. In fact, I ended up not posting anything because everytime I wanted to post something, a voice in my head would say "Naaaah... it's not useful/informative enough."

But anyways. Those days are over. I'm back.

There have been a lot of things going on lately in my life. Exciting new things, the not-so-exciting ones as well, and just regular activities. My 7th semester classes have just begun.. There will be 4 subjects left to finish.. actually 5 including my thesis.

But what's more exciting to me is my current experience as an intern in Unilever Indonesia. 

There's this program called Unilever Leadership Internship Program where Unilever Indonesia recruits 3rd year (minimum) college students to work as an intern. They have 5 functions available, which are Marketing, Customer Development, Human Resources, Finance, and Supply Chain. 

I knew about this program from a friend (I thank him, really) where he showed me this digital poster about the program from Facebook.

The first time I heard from him about this internship program, I wasn't directly interested because my major is Computer Science. Honestly my mental struggle (I don't know if I'm using the correct word) was that I already felt that I don't belong to the world of programming, but the environment was kinda telling me that I "have to" learn about it. So because of that thought, I was hesitating to take an opportunity to join this internship program (there's no IT-Related function in the program as I stated above), thinking that I was supposed to fill my summer break (semester break) for taking a deeper knowledge about programming and a deeper, much deeper, liking to it.

But then I thought about it again, and I literally opened the website to read about each function, and I was interested into 2 functions : Marketing and HR. Long story short, I applied for those two functions because 

I could choose more than one function as my preference. 

Currently, I'm working as an HR Leadership and Development intern in the ULIP program. How did I get in? I'll share with you.

The Take-Off

There were 4 phases that I went through. Actually you can also find out about it on Unilever's website, but if you wanna know about "the feel" of it according to my perspective, read away.

The first phase is Application form phase. Basically I had to fill in an Application Form. It's like CV Template where I had to fill my personal data (like my full name, address, phone number, and etc), but in the form there were also Essay questions to be answered. To tell you the truth, I spent a few days to think about what I should write to answer them. The questions were "What is your proudest achievements and why?" , "What is your major disappointment so far and why?" , and "What is your most significant leadership experience". Besides the essays, there were also fields that made me think longer, like "Reason of Preference" and "Internship Expectation". Such a thoughtful phase, huh? Looking back, I really think it's important to be honest to yourself on what you write because it reflects how you perceive things. I'm quite a straightforward person so I don't really put "flowers" on my writing. I decided to be honest about my expectations and thoughts about the program. Oh, but of course in any kinds of application form you have to "sell" your experience and achievements. It's a competition, after all.

The second phase is numerical and logical reasoning online test. It was the first time of my life (sounds exaggerating, yeah) that I had to take those kinds of test. I had no idea what those were, and now that I think about it, I was so excited that I didn't even do any research about the tests before I took them.

My suggestion would be : do the research and practice, don't be too ignorant or too excited like I was. 

In Numerical Reasoning test you'll face questions which requires you to analyze either a data presented in tables or graphs. Using a calculator is allowed (but then again, I only used my laptop's calculator. BAD IDEA. Using a real calculator is recommended.). In Logical Reasoning tests, you will be facing a lot of patterns which requires you to think more logically, so you can complete sequences of logically correct patterns. If you're asking my opinion, for a first timer, with no exercise or such thing, it was quite hard and nerve-wrecking. Thankfully I made it through to the next phase,

which is Focus Group Discussion.

In Focus Group Discussion, you will be facing a business case in a group. In my case, it was 9 people. We were given time to read the business case covering the fields of all 5 functions' perspectives (HR, Marketing, Supply Chain, Customer Development, and Finance's ). Then discuss about the case and its solutions in the group. The FGD was supervised by 2 managers. In my opinion, the objective of this FGD phase is to examine and discover how each candidate interacts with people, express their opinions, and contributes in a problem-solving discussion. 

To tell you the truth I wasn't really confident in this phase, because I had failed before in FGD phase of another program I applied to. After going through the FGD phase, It made me realized what I'm still lacking of as a discussion member. Quite a few lessons were learned at that time and I wasn't really happy with how I was performing, although I was still secretly hoping that I would pass to the interview phase.

Then I got in. Heart attack.

The final phase is... the Interview!

In this phase, there were 4 people left. I was glad and relieved that I got in, but I was suddenly reminded of the things my fellow candidates were chatting about before we started the FGD. It was the "I heard they will only choose one person to be the intern for this function" discussion. Challenging? Very much, yes. Discouraging? Could be. But there's really nothing to lose so I just went in there and tried my best. Speaking of the interview, I'd like to elaborate more here. You might be wondering about it, or questions like "Was it an intimidating interview?" "How do you think you did in the interview?" might have popped out as you're reading this post. I can describe the interview with two words. The word is SURPRISINGLY FUN.

"Fun? Are you kidding me? It's a freaking interview!" you might think. But yes, all of the paradigms about intimidating and nerve-wrecking interviews all went poof right when the interview started. It was more like a conversation rather than an interview. It was fun to describe myself to the two managers, and it triggered various questions in my head, from what I expect in the program, what I love doing, why I chose Marketing and HR, to the ultimate issue: what I really wanna do in life (still trying to figure it out, by the way). I was happy with the interview, but I had no idea if I did the interview right from the interviewers' perspectives. The interviewers also gave me helpful feedbacks about how I did in the FGD and how they think of me. Good stuff.

Waiting for the interview results, we were in the "quarantine room" where I could chat with the fellow candidates and even took pictures together. Surprisingly (in a good way) it didn't feel as intimidating as I thought it would be with the other candidates. It was another thing that I like from the whole FGD and Interview process.

They didn't announce who pass the interview right after the interviews were done (made me even more curious and kinda scared hahah). I got home with a goodie bag filled with Unilever Products and a handful of hope.

A Handful of Hope

Funny thing, I got fever for the rest of the day right after I got home. Turned out I forgot to have any meal or water until I got home(nervous much?maybe).

A few days later, I got an email that says:

I felt...

And then I skipped the medical check up to start the internship right away.

JK.

I had my medical checkup and was officially accepted as an intern in Unilever Leadership Internship Program 2013.

So that's the my story of Unilever Leadership Internship Program's application phases that I experienced.

Thanks for taking your time to read this long post. In the future I'll probably post about my fun and challenging experience as an intern in Unilever Indonesia, so stay tune :)

Writing your own life?

If life is written, 

Do you see yourself as the reader, or do you see yourself as a writer?

There may be some of you who would think, "Of course I am the writer, because I write my life, I own it as if it was my own book. I'm definitely the writer, because I'm the only one who defiines myself."

But some of you would have a different perspective by thinking, "I spend most of my time in my life to be a reader, because I learn a lot from other people, things, whether it's good or bad. I observe a lot, and therefore I know what life is. I think I am a reader."

I believe that we are both of them.

I apologize for writing such a blurry post. I personally think it's fun to spend time by myself getting deep in thoughts, as I try to figure out what to write on my blog. Sometimes I don't even plan to write anything, so maybe most of the time I end up posting ambiguous post that doesn't even have a clear purpose at the very first place. 

Speaking of it, I'd like to share a bit of my thoughts and experience on writing.

I never called myself a writer. 

I have to admit, I have had 2 blogs before this one. The first one was when I was in high school, most of the posts were just about my daily life at school or weird things that I found fun to post about. The second blog I had was probably not as "slice of life" as the first one, but I made it when I just graduated from high school. I posted some serious posts and some random posts. It was fun. But then I took a hiatus because college started and like usual, I couldn't think of a topic that I would write about. Now this third blog is a fresh new start.

So have you figured why I was never brave to call myself a writer? I was thinking that a writer should be a creative person who always knows what he/she wants to write. A writer should really know how to express things, whether it's their thoughts, people's thoughts, knowledge, or feelings which are waiting to be expressed. 

According to that definition of a writer, I can't call myself one. I've started 2 blogs (now it's 3) hoping that it would be the last blog that I made. But I always felt the need to make a fresh start, once I think the previous one was not good enough to continue. "The blog was too childish", "Too many aimless post", "Talked too much about emotional feelings", and etc.

But tonight something got me.

Back to that comfortable thoughtful state of mine, for once I actually looked at it differently.

The posts , they keep evolving as the time flows. It changes as I change.

When I read the posts from the past, I could really see how it changed through the years.

It's like writing your own history book. 

It really is about your life. How you see life, feel life, listen to life, and react to life.

And now, I feel no more regrets.

I might have had discontinued 2 blogs now. But those are no longer failures.

They are my past stages of life. And those have influenced and made me who I am now, more or less.

Now I'm trying to work on my third blog, and as always, I hope this can last as long as it's good to last.

I've always enjoyed writing to express. I admit I have tried writing to impress. 

But oh- that didn't work so well. Anyway.

That's about me and writing. If you have read until this far, then it's your turn.

How about you? How do you feel about writing? What is it to you?

Do you feel like you're good at it? Have you tried writing your thoughts/ feelings and just let it free without even bothering about how it looks like to others when they read it?

Don't doubt, start writing.

Leave your comments below. :)

Live life to the fullest,

Janet

What's bothering you, really?

Have you ever felt like there's something wrong, but you don't know exactly why?

For some reasons you just feel exhausted everyday, not physically, but more mentally. Sometimes you're just numb, hot-headed, or unsatisfied with everything.

The mood is really bothering you. You just wonder and wonder what's happening to you and why you just suddenly lose your spirit to do anything, even the activities you normally do. 

I have experienced it a few times, and until now I still wonder why it can happen at the most random times. But no, it doesn't stop there. As a normal human being that I am, I'm utterly curious about it (who isn't?) so I try to analyze it, at least by finding a solution each time I feel that way.

Just to remind you, in this post I'm not going to talk about how to solve what's bothering you (if you already know what it is). We're now talking about this weird feeling that gets you, making you feel uncomfortable with yourself, or with your activities, or even with your whole life. It can get into different kinds of level, but we're not going to get too deep on that today.

By now, I know this topic might seem to be getting too vague for you, so I'll just put it straight.

It turns out that the causes are not as BIG as you thought they are.

What I have found so far, is that there could be something wrong with your mind only, your physical condition only, or both of them.

What to do now?

Now let's explain it with points.

1. You just need a nice deep sleep

Don't laugh at me like I'm yo mama telling you to get enough sleep, but the amount of sleep that you have everyday really affects your mood, temper, spirit, or anything related to your states of mind. Do not underestimate the power of sleeping. When you only get 1-2 hours of sleep a day, you would probably find yourself yelling for something you usually wouldn't be so bothered about. Sleep well, and you'll get a fresh fresh mind.

2. Please motivate me

This sounds really cliche, but motivation is the very basic thing that keeps you going on with your life. Everyone wants to achieve a specific something, whether it's good grades, a scholarship, perfect partner, or even eternal life, something MUST drives you to do whatever you do. We can be lack of motivation and we don't even realize it. "What do I do now?" Read books. Watch things that inspire you,  it can be anything, really. To me, even videos about cute babies can do. You can also try to make this thing called "Motivation board" where you can put motivational quotes, your friends/ family photos, your goals, and anything which can boost your spirit. Just give it a try, and you'll see.

3. Treat yourself!

We all have those days when we don't even have time for ourselves. We have to do this and that, assignments, exams, work, or anything that keeps us busy. We start to care less about our health and we end up pushing ourselves too hard on everything because we want to get our works done. It's not bad at all to be so much goal-oriented, but working too hard can cause you more trouble. Stop for a while, and do yourself a favor. You can hang out with your friends, buy yourself something you want (e.g: chocolate is a great mood booster for me), or for a quick treat you can spend your time listening to your favourite songs. You're still a human being after all, not a robot.

4. See the core of the problems

You might be having a lot of things going on, and you don't know where to start solving your problems. We can have multiple problems at a time, so start finding the core of what's really bothering you. It's possible that you're actually really annoyed with a certain thing, but you also have a few things that are also bothering you, but not as much. In the end you just have no clue of why you're so bitter about everything. Know yourself and try to admit how you're actually feeling about the core problem, once you find it. Do not hold it or lie to yourself.

5. Go social

Sometimes the solution is just to socialize more and get together with some friends or people you love. Especially if you've been busy with things and you can't. Supports from your beloved ones are always precious and are very good for mood boosting. For a sanguine like me, this is one of the things that keeps me sane. I like to discuss and share my thoughts and problems with people I trust. Just so that I wouldn't explode by keeping it all to myself.

So the five points above can probably explain about why we can feel this "uneasy", "exhausted", or "bitter" feelings that we couldn't really understand before. In my opinion, the most important thing is to keep a balanced state of mind and health. With that, we'll do just fine.

Thoughts? leave your comments.

Live life to the fullest.

Janet